When I was in highschool
having a crush was fun.
You would text him
and flirt with him
and everything was all right
then you would get to school
looks for your friends
show them your conversations
and pretend it was a bigger deal
that you knew it was.
In college?
It sucks.
Because in school you wouldn’t see him;
just on some weekends
maybe you would meet
maybe not
it was impossible to know for sure.
In college you see him everyday
and if you are lucky like me
he’s in all your classes
what were the odds?
He and I,
we are friends,
not pals,
not bffs,
just…friends.
He sits with me every Thursday
and we would talk about the work
just college stuff
nothing else,
nothing that really matters,
nothing personal,
nothing that he would talk with anyone else.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to get closer to him
or if that even is a good idea
I’m not sure what to do
What to say
What to not say
Im scared people realize
that Im different with him
that I smile differently
that I hear him,
every single word
identify any single tone,
the way his eyes open
when he’s excited
and the way he leans
when he’s just so tired.
I’m afraid people will notice
I’m afraid he does.
I’m afraid that pushes him away
and I lose
what isn’t even mine.
Having a crush in college sucks.
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