Years Alive

via Daily Prompt: Age

If you start thinking about the idea of “age”, it is a really strange costume. We count every year that we are alive.

Like a kid counting his presents, or a lost person counting the days he’s been missing.

We also celebrate every year. Yes, it is good to be thankful for another year of life, even if it hasn’t been a good one. But we also receive presents every year. Its like you are being rewarded for being a life for a year. Strange, huh?

Why is age so important? It guides us on living. Society has stablished what you should be spending your time on depending on your age. For example, if you are between 5 and 18, you should be at school; if you are already 25 you have to have a job. And if someone doesn’t follow that guide, then it is failing. Or at least that’s how we are used to see it.

Imagine everyone suddenly lost their memory. No one knows their age or what they usually do. Then how would thing be? For the ones that need learning, they should be on school or university. For the ones that think they already know everything that matters, they would go directly to work. My point is, if we didn’t know our own age, and society hadn’t stablished anything to guide us, how different would the world work? Yeah, it probably would be a mess, but, maybe it would be a happier mess?

Age matters because it gives us a path to follow, and it puts and order on life.

But still, it is weird that we get presents every 365 days just for being alive.

Let’s just say the the people we care about is so grateful for having us a whole year that they want to thank you with a present. That makes it less creepy.

Age is just a number after all. Its supposed to help you, but if it doesn’t, then you can just stop counting and life your life creating your own path.

Crush

When I was in highschool

having a crush was fun.

You would text him

and flirt with him

and everything was all right

then you would get to school

looks for your friends

show them your conversations

and pretend it was a bigger deal

that you knew it was.

 

In college?

It sucks.

Because in school you wouldn’t see him;

just on some weekends

maybe you would meet

maybe not

it was impossible to know for sure.

In college you see him everyday

and if you are lucky like me

he’s in all your classes

what were the odds?

He and I,

we are friends,

not pals,

not bffs,

just…friends.

He sits with me every Thursday

and we would talk about the work

just college stuff

nothing else,

nothing that really matters,

nothing personal,

nothing that he would talk with anyone else.

 

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how to get closer to him

or if that even is a good idea

I’m not sure what to do

What to  say

What to not say

Im scared people realize

that Im different with him

that I smile differently

that I hear him,

every single word

identify any single tone,

the way his eyes open

when he’s excited

and the way he leans

when he’s just so tired.

 

I’m afraid people will notice

I’m afraid he does.

I’m afraid that pushes him away

and I lose

what isn’t even mine.

Having a crush in college sucks.

Books in Self-Develop

Books.

My life has been lived through them. Each one. Every time you read a book it gives you these feelings; these different point of views of the world; this strange and new sensation that you didn’t even know you could have.

I don’t know about the rest, but for me? Books shaped me.

I can identify each piece of my actual personality and trace it to a specific character or book that led me to behave a way or change somehow.

The people I admire have unconsciously changed my personality by seeing what I like so much about them and why, and then trying to become a version of that. Because if I like it must be for a good reason, right?

I think every book nerd like me can pick a book and explain what you like about it. Same with their characters. But there’s always a catch.

I tend to get the messages and experiences performed on my favorites books quite deeper than I think they are or could be intended.

Like for example, a few years ago I got this huge obsession with Katniss from The Hunger Games, I just think she’s such a strong character, she’s not only independent, that’s a quality I really appreciate, but she has others as her priority instead of herself, which some think is quite ridiculous, but I think that’s what real nobility is about. She refuses to depend on others, either for physical help or needs as for phycological assistance, like, she’s always ready to help others but don’t let the rest see how weak or defeat she’s feeling. And I just think that got to me so much, because not only can I identify with those qualities, but they are personally what I appreciate more about myself.

Same with Tris from Divergent, she’s known for being small and sub-estimated, when really she’s just as strong willed as a buffalo and persistent to an end. She as well puts others before her and has her priorities well sorted, that I think is essential for living. Tris knows to put needs before wants.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is just…appreciate books. Because they are the most valuable teacher. Yeah, they can be fiction or romance or adventure, it doesn’t matter! Because it teaches you about yourself. It helps you realize what values you really care about and how you can change to become that and shape your person to a better one.

Yeah, there are also traits that can be a little unhealthy, but its all part of the package. What do I mean? Uh, at least in my case, after reading so much fiction books, I think I kind of got a trust problem. Like, books taught me that you have to be more than really careful about who you trust and with what you trust them with; because there’s always a risk they can use it against you. So it is not only hard for me to trust people, but I also became really closed with my own problems, you know? Like, I never talk about my real problems, just about superficial shit. And even when I really trust someone, I prefer to just solve my things by myself, and tend to oppress the need to ask for help because that makes me feel dependent, and I can’t stand to be like that. Which I think at some point it got kind of unhealthy because in the end I’m just bottling up things, and one day it could explote. But that’s just a little downside to all the great virtues and characteristics I have adapted to myself by inspiration of this characters and books I love so much.

I guess what I am really trying to say is that yes, learn from books, but also be careful about it. Don’t take things to extremes.  Remember knowledge is the strongest weapon.

Silence

You know how there are these things 

That you hate

But love at the same time?

Like drinking for example,

I love the taste of it,

But Im hating it the day after

Because even when at the time it gave me joy

Then it gives me pain.

Or breaking your diet,

While you are eating, you are so happy

But once you are done,

You just regret it for the rest of the day?

I have that feeling with silence.

Im in love with it.

I love how it lets you breath;

How it leaves you alone with your own mind;

It gives you peace.

But I hate it for the same reasons.

It makes you a prisioner of your own thoughts,

It forces you to think about everything and anything,

Specially the things you are trying to avoid;

It brings you sadness and worry.

Im in love with silence,

But i hate it at the same time.

January 22;

Words are strong enough

To hurt you

But they are also

Strong enough 

To make you fall in love 

January 31;

I miss being in love.

The feelings you get when you

first see him;

the moment you realize

he has this effect on you

like a magnet

pulling on you;

the first text you get

and how you can’t wait

to tell all your friends

you don’t know what to text back

so you screenshot

and send on spam;

The time when you realize

there’s no way to stop the butterflies

its to late to get away

but its not only you

on who depends;

then he asks you on a date

you can’t find anything to wear

you have all this nerves

that refuse to melt away;

you talk

you stare

and then it happens:

he touches your hair

he tilts his head

you close your eyes

and then the lips collide,

like two bombs that crush;

but that’s just the start

of what could became

the best love story of your life.

 

January 21;

Three hundred

Sixty five days

Thats one year

Since you’ve been away.
Fourteen hours

Thirtyeight minutes

Last time I saw you

Even if it wasnt real.
Seven thousand

Two hundred seconds

Since I re-read all your texts

Just to feel like you had stayed.
But not even a blink away

Basically present tense

Since I thought of you

And how much I still need you.

January 19;

Friends

We all need them

At least one

It has to be someone

Outside your family

Around your age

Who gets you

And shares interests:

Hobbies and activities

Likes and dislikes

Anything

That can get you to talk

Or spend time with them

You need to trust them

You need to rely on them

You need to respect them

Because they aren’t there only to

Entertain you

They are there to support you

To love you

To believe in you,

When you cant belive in yourself

We all need friends

Just be careful who you let in.

January 18;

Walking frees the mind

It lets you think

And give everything a good

Analization

Music helps

It lets you wonder

About what could happen

Or what could have happened

The less distractions

The better

Is time for yourself

You, your thoughts,

And no one else

Just your wishes and dreams

Regrets and mistakes

Its almost

Therapeutic

But zero cost

Which just makes it better

Walking frees the mind

It lets your think

About your future and your past.