When I was in highschool

having a crush was fun.

You would text him

and flirt with him

and everything was all right

then you would get to school

looks for your friends

show them your conversations

and pretend it was a bigger deal

that you knew it was.

 

In college?

It sucks.

Because in school you wouldn’t see him;

just on some weekends

maybe you would meet

maybe not

it was impossible to know for sure.

In college you see him everyday

and if you are lucky like me

he’s in all your classes

what were the odds?

He and I,

we are friends,

not pals,

not bffs,

just…friends.

He sits with me every Thursday

and we would talk about the work

just college stuff

nothing else,

nothing that really matters,

nothing personal,

nothing that he would talk with anyone else.

 

I don’t know what to do

I don’t know how to get closer to him

or if that even is a good idea

I’m not sure what to do

What to  say

What to not say

Im scared people realize

that Im different with him

that I smile differently

that I hear him,

every single word

identify any single tone,

the way his eyes open

when he’s excited

and the way he leans

when he’s just so tired.

 

I’m afraid people will notice

I’m afraid he does.

I’m afraid that pushes him away

and I lose

what isn’t even mine.

Having a crush in college sucks.

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